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Development Hell – the state of a creative work that is caught up in a lengthy production process that can delay the release of a project for years, if it gets completed at all. Famous examples in music include: Detox by Dr. Dre, Fear Inoculum by Tool, Chinese Democracy by Guns & Roses, and Smile by The Beach Boys. The roadblocks that cause this phenomenon can include anything from personnel changes, legal battles, to creative and personal issues.

For a local musician, the habit of starting new songs before completing any can prevent a full-length album from forming, but the main obstacle tends to be a lack of funds. Studios and equipment are costly for young independent artists. For McAllen’s Ezekiel Rae, logistical problems turned her debut album, Stories in My Head, into a seven-year process, and yet, she does not feel like she was in development hell. “There was always a plan,” she says. “There was never a feeling that it would never get done.”

Rae’s debut is a folk album with fantasy storytelling and dense ambience inspired by Of Monsters & Men, Julien Baker, and Lord of the Rings. The narrative is a classic hero’s journey, and although the album just dropped earlier this week, it reflects a transitional period in Rae’s life many years ago. “I had just graduated high school and some friends were moving away to college, and I stayed home and had feelings of isolation. So the main story arc is about identity and discovering yourself,” she says.

From Hell to Purgatory

Writing sessions for Stories in My Head began in 2013 with acoustic demos uploaded to SoundCloud as far back as 2015. After several lyrical and melodic tweeking, proper studio recording began in 2016 with her childhood friend Steven Gonzalez of Dontfeedthebirds! Gonzalez took Rae’s guitars and vocals and added drums, bass, keys, and production. With the duo’s longtime familiarity, the recording went smoothly, but due to the near 300-mile drive from McAllen to Gonzalez’s studio in San Marcos, the process was sporadic. “Stuff happens, life happens,” Rae says. “This isn’t Stevens’s full-time thing, and time would get away from us, but it was always slowly cooking in the background.”

Another problem for Rae, was the travel expenses. She had been in and out of temporary jobs throughout her music stints, and rarely had a lump sum to take trips up north. With enough help from the local music community, including The Prelude (a venue that has since closed), Rae eventually put the album together. “The Prelude donated for one of my trips, and I’ll never forget that. There were a lot of others that helped by buying merch, tipping, and donating.”

In 2017, Rae locally recorded a separate EP on the side titled Deliberately Delicate, with help from fellow RGV singer-songwriter Tina Van. It is a stripped-down album that has a warm serenity with some moments of cold ambience as well. The tangential project delayed Stories in My Head further, but the experience helped shape what it would become. “I was listening to Julien Baker at the time of Deliberately Delicate, and I feel like those ambient guitars I used for that, bled into the later recordings,” Rae says. “I wasn’t experienced at first, but now I know so much more and I think all of that is baked into this new album.”

Redemption

Final recordings took place in 2018 and the songs were finalized in late 2020. Rae is currently promoting the album through a string of Instagram livestream performances, with the next one scheduled for this evening at 5:00, and a final concert on Facebook Live this Thursday. Although the album is available on streaming apps, she will soon sell through Bandcamp, with an option to buy a physical copy with a booklet of lyrics and accompanying artwork by Christi Flores.

Lengthy production can threaten creative work and collaboration, especially during the pandemic with many bands being separated and activity being stagnant, but Rae advises that musicians should confront these complications with faith. “Patience,” she emphasizes. “If you trust the people you’re waiting on and you trust the people you’re working with, if you believe in your project, it’s going to happen.”

Thank you for reading! Follow Ezekiel Rae on Instagram and listen to Stories in My Head below. Add Raymus Media on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, and Reddit to follow more Rio Grande Valley music. Also, please consider becoming a patron by clicking below.

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